Variation Venus

Word prompt- Calm

I glance at three unanswered emails sitting in my inbox. Their contents are probably trivial minor tasks. I tell myself before moving on. I am close to finishing the report I’ve been working on all day. It’s ok, I tell myself. I’m just going to ignore those emails and finish my work.

There is an alert—message in my desktop messenger. And then another and another. My team’s messenger is ablaze with messages. A sinking feeling reaches my gut.

I look at the three unread emails I mentally assigned as low priority as of now, something more. My hand halts over the mouse as the courser hovers over the first email. My plans to leave work within the hour are gone.

I clench and unclench my hand before it descends back onto my mouse. I open and read the emails. I will rush and take care of it in under one hour. It’s overtime.

My drive home is slow and stressful because, of course, there is traffic.
I step into my house and remember my long to-do list of things to get done at home.

• Write a new list
• Make dinner for kids,
• Do laundry,
• Clean
• Check on upcoming bills.
• Clean

“The house is a mess,” I say to myself as I shove aside mail clutter, toys, and other random objects that have been collected on my dining room table to make room for my work and lunch bag.

It hits me when I stare at the table. Sadly, this cluttered mess reminds me of my internal emotions. I’m a mess. My hands are shaking, and I realize they may have been this way for the past few hours. I stop, take a good look at the table, and begin cleaning.

I cannot cure anxiety completely, but dread is a temporary state that resolves once the stressor or trigger has passed.

My day is with continuous stressors, mostly from work with upcoming deadlines that I must take care of immediately. Then it progresses from my home life, where everything becomes chaos because I’ve used up all of my reserves at work.

Identify what’s causing the problem.

It means doing some internal reflection. It could be anxiety, burnout from work, family, financial responsibilities, and other stressors. While it’s not possible to get rid of stressors, you can do things to reduce stress.

These are some things that I use.

Just stop and breath, meditation, and relax. I watch a movie, and I’m a big fan of romance and action movies. A sentiment movie like an anime slice of life or a Studio Ghibli film usually gets me out of my headspace.

I try creative activities, drawing, writing, and reading. I draw a lot. It’s my go-to so much that most close family can tell how stressed I am by noting the detail and complexity of my subject. The more stressful the day, the more detailed my sketches are, and I just draw until my nervous energy is on the canvas or sketchbook.

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A post shared by Tiffany Mcleod (@trmcleodprime)

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A post shared by Tiffany Mcleod (@trmcleodprime)

Talk with someone.

I talk to close friends and family about what’s happening. There are moments when the stress and anxiety is too much. When I am on edge, it interferes with my ability to work and negatively impacts me, my family, and my friends, group counseling, and therapy help.

Anxiety is a little bit different than a chaotic mind. My brain is always planning for the next thing and pulling up contingency for what if that my happen. As a result, it sometimes ends up in an infinite loop that causes burnout and Anxiety.

Maintaining calm in that state is essential to get out of it. Recognizing that I’ve fallen into that loop is the hard part. Sometimes I see it once I fully reach collapse but there are key indicators that help me identify before my anxiety reaches critical mass.

The topic today is WordPress Prompt word “Calm.” I’m not sure how to write about this one since I’m at a constant war with my anxiety. Sometimes I win at finding calm.